Bethel Church Janitor Getting Real Sick Of All This Gold Dust

REDDING, CA—David Nguyen has been the head janitor at Bethel Church’s Redding campus for over ten years, but the custodial technician has recently become frustrated with his job, as Bethel churchgoers continue to leave behind piles of miraculous gold dust and angelic feathers all over the sanctuary for Murphy to clean up, a report from within the church revealed Tuesday.

“I love what I do,” Nguyen told reporters as he leaned on a broom in the church foyer. “But I was here ’til 2 a.m. last Sunday cleaning up glitter, gems, feathers—you name it.”

“I’m glad the Holy Spirit is manifesting Himself in these kinds of phenomena, but it sure would be nice if He’d appear in an easy-to-clean-up form somehow,” he added.

Nguyen also said the challenge has been compounded in recent months, since he can’t keep any janitors on staff, explaining that all his new hires keep quitting after getting burned out from cleaning up the miraculous phenomenon every week.

“The stuff gets absolutely everywhere—all over your shoes, under your fingernails. Frankly, I don’t blame them for not wanting to clean it up after every service.”