Artisan Coffee Bar Discovered In Ancient Christian Catacombs

ROME, IT—A boutique coffee bar was discovered in ancient Roman catacombs where Christian groups would occasionally be forced to gather under threat of persecution in the first century, scholars working at a site in Rome confirmed Friday.

While some scholars have cast doubt on whether worship services were regularly held in the labyrinthine underground network of tombs, this exciting new find confirms that Christians would on rare occasion have to gather to partake in the preaching of the Word, the singing of psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, the sacraments, and drinking artisan coffee together in the foyer.

“It is apparent that when Roman soldiers would close in, persecuted Christians would scurry to the catacombs for refuge and worship, making sure to bring along their craft coffee supplies to enhance their worship experience,” biblical archaeologist Dr. Trudy Anderson said in a vlog from the dig site. “It seems to have been as integral a part of the Christian experience as breaking bread together and reading the Word.”

Coffee experts confirmed the grounds used in the rudimentary Aeropress and pour-over devices were of the highest quality.

“We exclusively found locally sourced coffee beans farmed procured by low-impact, environmentally conscious farming methods in the cafe’s remains,” one on-site archaeological coffee consultant said. “It’s evident that faithful churches haven’t used Folgers coffee since day one of the Christian church.”

Ancient scrawls found on the walls of the catacomb near the coffee bar were also dated to the first century and included phrases like “Let go and let God” and “God will never give you more than you can handle! Hang in there!” scholars confirmed.