Arminian Pawns Salvation For $13 On ‘Pawn Stars’

LAS VEGAS, NV—Local Arminian believer Jacob Riley was reportedly seen at a taping of the History Channel’s hit show “Pawn Stars” Monday morning, pawning his salvation for a mere $13.

The Christian haggled with pawn shop owner Rick Harrison for several minutes, going back and forth over the value of his eternal salvation.

“I don’t know too much about eternal security, but I’ve got a buddy who’s an expert in this kind of thing,” Harrison told Riley before calling in a local Calvary Chapel pastor to examine the work of salvation wrought in eternity past, who looked over the man’s salvation and concluded it was priceless, leaving Harrison and Riley to negotiate over the details.

“Well, you heard the man—your salvation is worth everything,” Harrison said. “But here’s the thing—I have a business to run, I’ve got overhead, employees to pay. And I’m not sure how long your salvation’s gonna sit in my shop taking up valuable space. Plus, who knows if you’ll still have it tomorrow? The best I can do is $10.”

Riley hemmed and hawed at the lowball offer, asking for at least $28 trillion, but Harrison wasn’t moved.

“I tell you what, you’re a good guy. How about $13?” Harrison said. “That’s my final offer, take it or leave it.”

Finally, Riley agreed, and Harrison sent him over to the cashier to exchange his eternal security for a full $13.

“I think I got a pretty good deal,” Riley said to cameramen outside the building later. “I mean, it was just gathering dust anyway, and now I’ve got some cash on hand. And you can’t put a price tag on that.”