Archaeologists Unearth State-Of-The-Art Stage Lighting Used During Sermon On The Mount

ISRAEL—Archaeologists working on the famed Mount of the Beatitudes in northern Israel confirmed Wednesday a stunning find: an impressive stage from antiquity complete with state-of-the-art colored lighting systems from which Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount.

The find confirms that Jesus emphasized the importance of high production values and the heavy use of modern technology during His messages, biblical scholars claim.

“It seems Jesus really tried to play on the crowd’s emotions, carefully delivering His well-scripted messages as Peter and John worked the sound and lighting from a booth in the back,” one biblical archaeologist said in a vlog from the dig site. “The practice of manipulating the crowd using intricate lighting systems and moody background music now has biblical support.”

Evidence uncovered at the site suggests Jesus had His disciples shift the lighting to a moody purple as he pensively paced the stage before slowly transitioning to a more neutral, inviting green hue as He gave the altar call near the end of His message. Nearby equipment suggests the advanced stage setup was carted from place to place as Jesus traveled, with the Savior refusing to give a sermon or perform healings unless the mood lighting was “just right.”

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Jesus planted disciples throughout the crowd and had them come forward during the altar call in order to manipulate others into dedicating or rededicating their lives to Him.