Amazon Now Delivers Packages Directly To Your Bedroom While You Sleep

SEATTLE, WA—Touting it as their latest attempt to offer customers the ultimate in convenience and customer service, Amazon announced Wednesday that they will now deliver packages directly to your bedroom in the middle of the night while you sleep.

“In-Bed Delivery is a really wonderful new service,” an Amazon press release stated. “We will gain access to your home through the front door, quietly creep through the house with your packages, ever-so-gently open your bedroom door to enter your most intimate room, and set the merchandise near your bed while you blissfully sleep, careful not to wake you or your significant other.”

“We’ll even pull your covers up to your neck and give you a gentle pat on the head before we leave,” it added. “You can trust us with everything.”

At publishing time, Amazon reported that 20 million people had already placed orders opting in for In-Bed Delivery.