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Most people have heard wild stories about the crazy things that can come to light in people's internet search histories, but are you aware of the humiliating things that might be found in yours?
The Babylon Bee has suffered through reading some of the worst internet search histories of all time to bring you 17 of the most embarrassing things that people have ever googled:
"stream new episode of the acolyte" — Gross. Just gross.
"what is a phillips head screwdriver?" — You might as well search for what it means to be a man.
"white sox tickets" — It's difficult to imagine the shame that some people must live with.
"the onion" — People search for the weirdest stuff when they're alone at night.
"how do you use a power drill?" — Statistically most prevalent among males who vote Democrat.
"is there anything stronger than prescription antiperspirant?" — Statistically most prevalent among males who vote Libertarian.
"hotels in cleveland" — Ohio? Come on, man.
"if there's a shark coming toward my sinking electric boat should I swim to the shark or wait to get electrocuted expert opinion" — Ridiculous. Anyone with a functioning brain is going straight for the shark.
"which end of the cigar do you smoke?" — Frequently paired with "how do i light a cigar lighter" and "treatment for cigar burns on tongue."
"is it ok to put cheese on a raw burger patty and then take a pic and upload the pic to X?" — Only if you're a reptilian extraterrestrial posing as a politician.
"barbie show times" — This is what Incognito Mode is for, people.
'is it ok to shoot your dog if they bark a lot?' — This one had over 1,000 searches from a single IP address in South Dakota.
"is playdough edible or poisonous?" — Commonly searched by first-time parents and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
"am i john fetterman?" — Yes, Senator Fetterman, you are.
"what wine pairs best with spaghettios?
— Only the most barbaric simpleton would ruin a perfectly good bowl of SpaghettiOs by drinking it with anything other than a craft beer."if your dad is president can he make all criminal charges go away?" — Some guy who signed into the account "[email protected]" seems to have searched this one a whole lot.
"has hillary clinton murdered anyo" — Investigators have yet to find anyone who survived attempting to complete this search query.
If you have anything like the list above — or worse — in your internet search history, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself, you weirdo.
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