REDWOOD CITY, CA — Local wife Jill Williams spent the better part of Tuesday having a drawn-out argument with her husband Tad that occurred entirely in her own head.

"I mean, you said you were going to take some time off to finish the bathroom remodel six months ago and the new sink is still sitting in the box in the basement!" Jill told her husband in her mind, two hours after he left for work. "I know you've had a lot going on but you've also been playing a lot of Zelda lately, that's prime bathroom time!"

Tad responded by apologizing in Jill's mind for not prioritizing the project. "I know honey, you're right. I'll take time off next week, I promise. Also, you were right about the tile choice, I'm sorry I argued with you for so long. Also, I'm sorry I didn't notice your new haircut, it looks awesome. Let's go get coffee. You're my soulmate."

Jill continued the debate throughout the day, working out every possible response from every possible angle.

"If he says we ran out of money....I'll remind him about the mountain bike he just bought...three years ago."

When Tad returned home from work, he reportedly failed to apologize for not prioritizing the bathroom remodel and also failed to complement her new haircut, as Jill had clearly rehearsed for him in her head. The nail in the coffin, however, was when he also didn't invite her to get coffee or tell her she was his soulmate the way he had in her imaginary argument.

At publishing time, Tad had asked his wife several times why she was acting mad at him for no reason.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.