CARACAS - Socialist Venezuela has received praise from various leftist groups across the globe for achieving the world's first-ever zero-hour work week.
France was getting close with its 8-hour work week, but Venezuela blew it away by finally achieving a work week of just zero hours.
"Workers in oppressed America have to work 40 hours a week sometimes," President Nicolás Maduro said in a press conference. "Here in Venezuela, you don't work at all. There are no jobs. Also no food or money. Please send help."
Bernie Sanders offered words of praise for the accomplishment. "Finally, Venezuela has shown how socialism can work by making sure its people can't, because there are no oppressive jobs. We must do better to make sure billionaires and corporations stop oppressing Americans by offering them places to work and earn money."
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez also praised the achievement: "Zero hours is a lot less than, like, 40 hours. Or even 12 hours. I have to work like 10 hours, plus Twitter time, and that's really a lot. I'd prefer zero hours. Good job, Venezuela!"
All 12,582 Democratic presidential candidates quickly came out in favor of zero-hour work week policies for their platforms as well, vowing to kill all the jobs created by the booming economy in America.
Trump reportedly became jealous of Venezuela's accomplishments and sulked in the Oval Office for close to an hour, shrugging and saying "Whatever" to everything aides said to him.