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Zuckerberg Requires House Members To Accept Terms Of Service Before He...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Sources at Mark Zuckerberg's hearing in front of the House of Representatives Committee On Energy and Commerce Wednesday confirmed that the Facebook CEO...

Zuckerberg Loses Contact Lens During Senate Hearing Revealing Horrifying Lizard Eye

WASHINGTON, D.C.---During his much-publicized appearance before a bipartisan Senate committee Tuesday, the false, humanlike contact lens Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had placed over his...

Zuckerberg Begins Testimony By Reminding Senators He Knows All Their Deepest...

WASHINGTON, D.C.---Kicking off his Senate hearing with a prepared statement Tuesday, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg ominously reminded everyone present that he is intimately familiar...

Facebook Staffers Coach Mark Zuckerberg On Humanlike Behavior Ahead Of Congressional...

MENLO PARK, CA—According to sources from within Facebook headquarters, interns and staffers at the social network were training Mark Zuckerberg on how to act...

‘I’m Sorry, Dave—I’m Afraid I Can’t Do That,’ Intones Menacing Mark...

ATHENS, OH—After learning of recent abuses of data by the social media giant, local man David Anderson reportedly attempted to close his account with...

Mark Zuckerberg Promises To Do Better At Hiding Facebook’s Data Mining...

MENLO PARK, CA---Finally emerging after days of silence following the revelation that millions of Facebook accounts had their data underhandedly exploited for political purposes,...

All-Seeing Eye Of Sauron Unveiled At Facebook Headquarters

MENLO PARK, CA—In the midst of a scandal involving the unauthorized transfer of its users' data for political purposes, Facebook proudly unveiled a brand...

Facebook Reminds Users Its Terms Of Service Specifically Allow For Orwellian...

MENLO PARK, CA---Responding to the recent data-hijacking scandal which has its stock price plummeting and lawmakers demanding an explanation, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg reminded...

Mark Zuckerberg Finishes Morning Reading Of Favorite Devotional ‘1984’

MENLO PARK, CA—We all have our favorite regular devotionals or Scripture readings that motivate us each morning and get us in the right mindset...

Facebook Sends Warm Reminder To Publishers That It Is In Complete...

MENLO PARK, CA---Facebook, Inc. sent a personal message Friday to each publisher using its service, warmly reminding them that they are utterly dependent on...
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