BANGOR, ME — Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner has smoothed things over with supporters by covering up his Nazi death squad tattoo with a new tattoo of the communist hammer and sickle.
Liberals have praised the move by Platner, stating it shows "real maturity" but also maintains his authenticity by keeping the Nazi tattoo intact underneath.
"Listen, we all make mistakes when we're young," Platner told reporters while rolling up his sleeve to reveal a fresh portrait of Stalin. "Let he who hasn't gotten a Nazi death squad tattoo cast the first stone, that's what I always say. The important thing is growth, and I think this new ink reflects my true character."
Polls currently show a tight race in Maine between the Nazi-Communist and Susan Collins. "On one hand, we have the blackout drunk getting Nazi executioner tattoos, and on the other hand, Susan Collins," said local voter Marcia Banks. "Collins is very moderate and a bit boring, while Platner has moved from Auschwitz guard to gulag operator and likes to mock dead American soldiers. What to do, what to do."
At publishing time, Platner had smoothed things over regarding his drunk driving arrests by assuring voters he now exclusively does cocaine.
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