BORING, OR—According to sources, local gamer and vending machine technician Chris Simpson is getting really annoyed by an overbearing friend who seems to have a hard time with boundaries in relationships. The friend in question, Fredmitch Sprinkletogen, is an old acquaintance who Chris knew in high school and used to play video games with.
"Fredmitch is one of my best friends," said Simpson, "but he's just too much sometimes. He texted me this morning to see if I could 'hang out.' What does that even mean? What would we even do? Why can't we just stick to gaming online like we usually do?"
Reports indicate that Sprinkletogen has intrusively bombarded Simpson's phone with unsolicited text messages at least twice in the last week like a total weirdo. "I'm an introvert! Can't he respect that?" cried Chris.
The last straw came this week when Fredmitch decided to actually skip texting and call Chris on his phone to have an old-fashioned conversation in which both participants use voices to communicate.
Chris has filed a restraining order and changed phone numbers.
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