TWIN FALLS, ID—Stating the local church was “stuffy” and “not in tune with [his] style,” local sales associate and church hopper Kyle Weston posted a 3-star review of a local expression of the body of Christ Wednesday morning.
“The coffee and refreshments were average, and the music was passé,” Weston posted in his expertly argued, five-paragraph critique of the gathering of believers, who together make up a kind of physical manifestation of our Savior’s body. “The teaching wasn’t terrible or heretical or anything, but frankly, the guy was no David Platt or Matt Chandler—it was just your run-of-the-mill, garden variety proclamation of the gospel of Christ.”
The detailed takedown of the local institution of the Lord’s church, of which Jesus is the head, further stated that overall, the service was “nothing special” and that while Weston might attend on occasion if a guest speaker or worship artist were to be featured, he “wouldn’t go out of [his] way” to patronize the establishment.
“With so many other options for Sunday morning worship, I just don’t see myself recommending this church to others. This particular body of Christ is just not my cup of tea.”
“Meh,” he added apathetically.