KANSAS CITY, MO—While browsing memes on a popular libertarian meme Facebook page, local man Kyle Coats reportedly felt himself “cut to the heart” Wednesday, grabbing a Gadsden flag he had recently purchased and darting outside into the afternoon sun where he dropped to his knees and asked Ron Paul to come into his heart, once and for all, fully committing his life to the ideals of liberty he stands for.
The man bowed his head and closed his eyes and asked the popular libertarian leader to come into his life and reign as his lord and savior.
“Ron, would you come into my life and make me new?” he whispered privately to himself, a single tear streaming down his cheek as he clutched the “DON’T TREAD ON ME” flag, according to sources. “Please, Ron, forgive me of all my violations of the non-aggression principle and all the times I unwittingly supported a statist agenda.”
“I swear here and now, taxation is theft!” he added.
The new, remade Coats quickly threw away all his politically conservative reading material and purchased himself a leather-bound study edition of Ron Paul’s End the Fed and The Revolution, sources confirmed.
At publishing time, the man had committed to tithe 10% of his cryptocurrency and precious metals to The Ron Paul Institute for Peace and Prosperity, and made a solemn vow never rest until every human being on earth had heard the good news of libertarianism.