Psychopathic Megalomaniac Somehow Garnering Evangelical Vote

U.S.—It’s been a strange presidential election season thus far and, to be sure, we’re still quite early in the process, but reports are presently indicating that, incredibly, psychopathic megalomaniac Donald Trump is somehow garnering a significant portion of the American Evangelical vote.

“I’m doing great with the Evangelicals. They love me, that I can tell you,” said the demented, vainglorious Trump on Monday.

“Look,” he continued, “the Evangelicals realize the truth, that I’m a good Christian. I really am! I’m such a good Christian that I’m the first man in history to become a Christian without ever asking God for forgiveness. And that’s just tremendous.”

When asked about the moral implications of electing a deranged casino magnate and insufferable narcissist who not long ago supported partial-birth abortion and gay marriage on national television and would seemingly have no qualms about violently obliterating hundreds of thousands of people for purely egotistical reasons, a large cross-section of American Evangelicals reportedly reasoned, “We’re voting Trump because he will make America great again.”

Sources indicate that nobody knows what exactly that means or how it will occur, practically, but it will reportedly “be so tremendous” as to “make your head spin.”