FORT WORTH, TX—In a push for more environmentally conscious ministry practices, Kenneth Copeland has unveiled his brand-new jet that runs on the souls of the thousands of people he deceives every day.
"This new, greener jet runs on the damned souls of all the people I've led to hell through my heretical Word-Faith teaching," Copeland said proudly as he showed off the new jet at his own private airport. "Their torment and anguish as they realize they've been duped burn cleaner and at least 10 times more efficiently than jet fuel."
Copeland pointed out that the souls of those who have been taken in by the prosperity gospel are "much more plentiful" than traditional fossil fuels, and they have a much smaller carbon footprint as well.
"Green, renewable energy is good for the planet, and it's great for my checkbook," he said. "It's a totally self-sustaining model: I deceive people, then suck out their souls and pump them directly into my jet. It's a beautiful circle of life."
Copeland's good friends Benny Hinn and Creflo Dollar immediately placed an order with Kenneth Copeland Ministries for their own models.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.