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Google Deploys Squads Of Firemen To Burn Offensive Books, Videos, Websites

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—It looks like Google is adding hundreds of jobs to Silicon Valley, as its newly opened book-burning division is looking to hire firemen.

These firemen don't put out fires, but rather, they destroy books, videos, information, and anything else that contradicts a far-left worldview. They utilize fire at 451 degrees Fahrenheit. Google's robotics division has also reportedly developed a Mechanical Hound designed to sniff out resistance to its totalitarian destruction of offensive content.

Google listed several hundred available positions in the company's new "Firehouse" department. The listing posted on Google's Careers page is replicated below:

Position: Fireman

Location: Various

Qualifications:

  • Good with fire
  • Won't question orders
  • At least two years of book-burning experience
  • Bachelor's degree in gender studies or equivalent practical experience (e.g., screaming at sky, rioting, etc.) 
  • Far-left worldview

About the job

Google aspires to be an organization that doesn't allow any dissent on the internet. And people have increasingly come to support and vote for policies that cancel, delete, and remove worldviews and people they disagree with. It's a much cleaner, safer, entertaining world this way.

Responsibilities:

  • Scour the internet, local book stores and libraries, YouTube, etc. for content that has the potential to make someone uncomfortable and destroy it.
  • Cancel people the Company disagrees with.
  • Go on coffee runs from time to time

In response to the looming destruction of history, books, and dissent, a group of exiles has reportedly fled to the hills, each of them having memorized a book or YouTube video that Google has destroyed in hopes of one day rebuilding society.

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