WILMINGTON, DE—According to sources within the Joe Biden campaign, staffers have been instructed to pick "any black person" for vice president, "since they all think the same anyway."
He made the comment while in a strategy meeting with aides in his basement.
"Just nab any old black person -- they're all pretty much interchangeable," Biden reportedly told his aides. "That Stacey chick, the Kamala cop lady, heck, get Denzel Washington for all I care. Any of them are fine. And poor VP candidates are almost as bright as white ones."
"I had a black friend once, you know. Barry. Really great guy. Very clean and articulate."
Aides were then able to distract him by giving him a paddleball to play with while they went upstairs to try to do some damage control from whatever the latest racist or sexist thing he said was.
At publishing time, aides said they felt sorry for Biden, since he was under the mistaken impression that he gets to pick the VP candidate himself.