Bible College To Provide Complimentary Wives To Unmarried Pastoral Graduates
Ministries · Jun 24, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

CHICAGO, IL - For students at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, the end of the spring semester means a mad dash for unmarried pastoral seniors to find a wife before graduation. While not technically a prerequisite for ministry, the school has an unwritten expectation that pastors will find a wife who will support them in ministry, and when possible write their sermons for them. However, with social distancing guidelines, students have been learning online and single pastoral majors have been unable to fulfill the "ring by spring" expectation.

Administration at the school, nicknamed Moody "Bridal" Institute, is aware of the relationship issue and is taking matters into its own hands by assigning unmarried graduating pastoral majors a wife along with their degrees.

"These are unprecedented times," said MBI president Mark Jobe. "And we have to do everything in our power to give these men all that they need to succeed in ministry. That means a good wife. We can give them all the biblical education in the world, but I know from experience, if you don't have a good wife, you're not gonna make it."

A panel of faculty and staff will rank unmarried women based on their physical attractiveness and area of study. Wives will be assigned according to the single pastoral majors' GPA and future ministry aspirations.

"I definitely wish I would've studied a little harder," said MBI senior Dan Anderson of his assigned wife. "Here's hoping she has a great personality."

If successful, the school is considering implementing the policy permanently.


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