Veteran Microphone Laid To Rest In Tech Booth Graveyard

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—After over thirty years of loyal service to Wilmington Avenue Baptist’s praise and worship team, a long-standing veteran microphone has been laid to rest in the church’s tech booth graveyard, sources confirmed Thursday.

“He was ready to go,” a misty-eyed church technician told reporters. “Near the end there, his connections just weren’t connecting like they used to. He was but a shadow of his former glory.” The tech guy recounted favorite memories of the mic’s career, like the time the barbershop quartet sang a rousing rendition of “Oh Freedom!”, his deployment to the youth ministry in 1992, and the pastor’s brief stint into spoken word theology.

The microphone was buried in a large plastic storage bin next to hundreds of dead cables and other odds and ends the church is saving just in case anyone ever is suddenly in need of busted electronics. His cause of death was listed as “unruly pastor’s kid running on stage and playing with the equipment again.”

The microphone is survived by his mic stand purchased in 1987 and an aging XLR cable that’s said to be “on its last legs.”