Toddlers Demand Ransom Of Goldfish Crackers For Return of Sunday School Teacher

AMARILLO, TX—When Mrs. Bennett arrived early to teach the three-year-olds, she thought it would be like any other Sunday. Little did she know, she’d wind up tied to a tiny, preschool-sized chair in a broom closet, as her class of toddlers ran amok, demanding a ransom of several boxes of Goldfish crackers in exchange for her safe return.

After Pastor Chuck was updated on the hostage situation after service, he and a team of negotiators used a baby monitor to communicate with the preschool-aged kidnappers, who had barricaded themselves in another room until their demands—which they left on the classroom refrigerator spelled out in magnets—were met in full.

“This isn’t the first time our children’s ministry has found itself in a high-stakes negotiation with a wild gang of guerillas, and it won’t be the last,” Pastor Chuck said as he and a counter-terrorist FBI unit pored over a map of the building in the foyer.

After the pastor and his team were unable to come to an agreement with the dangerous child terrorists, they reluctantly agreed to pay the ransom, leaving three boxes of classic Goldfish crackers in the predetermined spot.

As the church anxiously waited, onlookers recalled the minutes feeling like hours. But finally, an apparently unharmed Mrs. Bennett was released just before 10:30 a.m., in time to teach another group of three-year-olds for the late service.