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Lakewood Church Issues Eclipse Glasses For Gazing At Joel Osteen’s Teeth

HOUSTON, TX—The rumors are confirmed: local authorities have instructed Lakewood Church to issue eclipse glasses to any churchgoer who might catch a glimpse of...

Steven Furtick Signs 6-Year, $110 Million Contract With Lakewood Church

CHARLOTTE, NC—In a stunning move that is making waves throughout evangelicalism, Pastor Steven Furtick has announced he has come to an agreement with Lakewood...

Lakewood Church Staffer Updates ‘Days Without Reference To Jesus’ Sign

HOUSTON, TX—According to sources from within Lakewood Church, the largest congregation in the country, a church staffer was seen adjusting the numbers on the...

Rich Young Ruler Finds Home At Lakewood Church

HOUSTON, TX—A rich, young ruler looking for salvation was proud to announce Thursday that he finally found a place to call home at Lakewood...

Alex Rodriguez Signs 1-Year, $25 Million Deal With Lakewood Church Softball...

HOUSTON, TX---Fresh off his recent announcement that he would not be playing in Major League Baseball for the remainder of this season, fueling considerable...

Scheduling Error Causes Paul Washer To Preach At Lakewood Church; Thousands...

HOUSTON, TX---What seemed to be a harmless mix-up in mistakenly scheduling missionary and preacher Paul Washer to speak to Joel Osteen's congregation at Lakewood...

The Power Of Positive Declarations: Joel Osteen Can Now Fly

HOUSTON, TX---Joel Osteen, celebrity senior pastor of Lakewood Church, has been proclaiming the life-changing power of regular, vocal, positive declarations and self-affirmations for years, and...
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