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Nation’s Evangelicals Warn They’ll Only Give Trump 1 Or 2 Hundred...

U.S.---The vast majority of the nation's evangelical Christians stressed Friday that they were "this close" to abandoning their support of Donald Trump as they...

Donald Trump’s Ego Most Fragile Element In Known Universe, Scientists Confirm

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a major breakthrough, scientists working at the White House excitedly confirmed Thursday that they have discovered the most fragile element in the...

Trump Projected To Be Last Remaining Member Of White House By...

BOSTON, MA—A team of mathematicians at Harvard has been tracking the rapid rate of resignations and firings of White House personnel, and the group...

Embarrassing: Trump Tried To Use A Government Debit Card To Buy...

Oh man, this must have been an awkward situation for the president. Rumor has it Mr. Trump had a hankering for a few cheeseburgers yesterday,...

Confirmed: 2018 Spending Bill Includes $30 Million For Paying Off Trump...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The recently passed omnibus federal spending bill includes up to $30 million earmarked for paying off women President Trump had affairs with, sources...

Aides Gently Inform Trump He Can’t Fire Portrait Of George Washington

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to White House sources speaking on condition of anonymity, Oval Office aides once again had to inform President Trump he wasn't allowed...

‘Even If I Have To Die With You, I Will Never...

WASHINGTON, D.C.---In a recent trip to the White House to brief President Trump on his consistency in defending him against any and all naysayers,...

Trump, Kim Jong Un To Become Accountability Partners

PYONGYANG—Shortly after the announcement that President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un would be meeting together, the pair further confirmed that they had...

Federal Government Launches GoFundMe Campaign To Pay Off $20 Trillion National...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to secure a better, more prosperous future for the nation's children, the President and Congress joined together to launch a...

Trump Quickly Blames Market Plunge On Obama

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a flurry afternoon tweets, President Donald Trump blamed previous president Barack Obama for the stunning 1175-point drop suffered by the Dow Monday,...
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