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Trump Quickly Blames Market Plunge On Obama

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a flurry afternoon tweets, President Donald Trump blamed previous president Barack Obama for the stunning 1175-point drop suffered by the Dow Monday,...

Donald Trump Nominated For Southern Baptist Convention Presidency

DALLAS, TX—He's already won the most important secular position in the land, but President Donald Trump has now been nominated for a higher calling:...

President Trump Declares The Babylon Bee His Most-Trusted News Source

WASHINGTON, D.C.---In the wake of his much-anticipated "Fake News Awards," President Donald Trump confirmed Friday that while most news sources are "totally fake," there...

Trump Refuses To Let Jesus Into His Heart After Learning He’s...

WASHINGTON, D.C.---President Trump informed his advisers that he will refuse to allow Jesus Christ into his heart, after learning that Jesus hailed from the...

Barron Trump Gets Hold Of Dad’s Phone, Sends Numerous Tweets, No...

WASHINGTON, D.C.---Claiming that he was "bored" and "had nothing to do," Barron Trump, 11-year-old son of President Donald Trump, sneakily commandeered his father's phone...

White House Staff Replaces Oval Office Nuclear Button With Disguised Staples...

WASHINGTON, DC—According to sources from within the White House, several staffers replaced Donald Trump's "large nuclear button" with a novelty Staples "Easy Button," disguising...

First Baptist Dallas Members Melt Golden Jewelry Down Into Towering Donald...

DALLAS, TX—In a powerful show of devotion to the president of the United States, members of First Baptist Dallas passed their golden jewelry, watches,...

‘Which Ones Are Supposed To Be The Bad Guys?’ Trump Whispers...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources present at President Donald Trump's first viewing of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, the President was constantly interrupting the film...

Thomas Nelson Releases ‘Trump Calling’ Devotional

NASHVILLE, TN—Thomas Nelson announced Wednesday an exciting new addition to its collection of Jesus Calling books by Sarah Young: Trump Calling, a devotional book that...

Nation’s Christians Thank Trump For Allowing First Public Celebration Of Christmas...

U.S.—The nation's Christian believers thanked President Donald Trump by the millions Tuesday after he allowed the first public celebration of Christmas in America in...
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