Sweating John MacArthur Awakens From Nightmare In Which He’s Unsure About Something

LOS ANGELES, CA—According to sources close to John MacArthur, the popular Bible teacher jumped up with a start around 3 a.m. Thursday morning in a cold sweat, suddenly awakening from a nightmare in which he is slightly uncertain about something.

Quickly clapping on all the lights in the room, the theologian reportedly talked himself down while hiding under his covers, as his wife repeatedly reminded him that it was “just a dream.”

MacArthur later confirmed that the “horrific” dream featured a question and answer session, wherein a faceless man took the microphone and asked MacArthur an incredibly specific question about the particular tense of a Greek verb in Hebrews, and the Bible teacher was unable to come up with an answer.

“It’s not real, Johnny. It’s just a dream,” MacArthur reportedly reminded himself as he got up to get himself a glass of warm milk. “This is real life now, in which I am absolutely certain about every minuscule issue.”

“Wow—I’ve never had such a terrible dream in my life,” he reportedly noted to his wife.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that MacArthur re-read several of his recent books and began work on a new one, just to reassure himself that he was still totally confident in every single one of his minor beliefs on every issue.