Sunday School Teacher Permanently Sticky

NORTH PLATTE, NE—After a routine Sunday School lesson consisting of teaching a Bible story told with flannelgraph, serving snacks, and escorting each child to the bathroom twice, local Sunday school teacher Rita Zamora confirmed that she’s now permanently sticky.

“Boogers, glue, dried-up milk and juice—it’s just everywhere. I’m never going to not be sticky,” she said after the service. “The Jackson kids are the worst offenders. They’re just continuously leaking from everywhere. They really should get that checked out.”

The morning’s craft consisted of gluing yarn, beads, and sequins to paper plates in order to illustrate the creation week. Prior to beginning the craft, Zamora was “fairly confident” she’d be able to emerge from the class with only minor, temporary stickiness. But by the time the crafts had been set to the side to dry and she began to pour watered-down lemonade into sixteen different tiny paper cups, she admitted defeat, accepting her permanently sticky fate.

Zamora states she plans on continuing her service in Sunday school. “I’m already forever sticky, so why not?” she reasoned.