Sports Illustrated Takes Stand Against Sexual Harassment By Putting Naked Women On Cover

LOWER MANHATTAN, NY—Sports Illustrated recently announced that it will take a stand against sexual harassment by photographing stark-naked women for the cover and contents of its upcoming swimsuit issue.

“We just want young girls to know that taking their clothes off to please the male gaze is totally empowering and not at all objectification,” SI editor-in-chief Jerry Smith said.

After the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements set off a media firestorm last fall and drew attention to how pervasive sexual harassment is in the workplace and on the street, SI staff has been trying to figure out a way to “stay woke.”

“We knew having women pose in swimsuits with all those hashtags swirling around out there wouldn’t be a good look,” said publisher John Shapiro. “This year we wanted to do something really empowering for women. Which is why women won’t be wearing swimsuits. They won’t wear anything at all.”

In a recent editorial meeting, a staffer suggested cancelling the famous swimsuit edition altogether and instead feature members of the Olympic gymnastics team who banded together to put a serial sexual assaulter behind bars last month. This idea was quickly swatted down, according to sources familiar with the matter.

“LOL KAREN,” an internal Slack message from another staffer reads. “The way to get men to treat women like they are people and to recognize that they are not merely objects for one’s sexual gratification is more nudity. It just makes sense.”