Sanders Immolates Business Exec At ‘Feel The Bern’ Rally

CHICAGO, IL—To cap off an energetic “Feel the Bern” rally on Thursday, Democratic Socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders had a unique grand finale for his frenzied crowd of supporters: he doused business executive Brian Harper in gasoline and set him ablaze, right on stage.

The feverish crowd erupted as Sanders ignited the man and, gazing intently at the flailing human torch, lower jaw jutting outward and flames dancing in his eyes, announced into the microphone his intentions to “Make all of corporate America Feel the Bern, just as this man feels it right now!”

“How does it feel, Mr. Business Executive?” he added, over deafening cheers. “HOW DOES THE BERN FEEL?!”