Russell Moore Unwinds After ERLC Conference By Silently Glaring At Shoppers In Local Alcohol Aisles

NASHVILLE, TN—After wrapping up day two of the 2016 ERLC National Conference with a moving, inspirational address, Russell Moore proceeded to spend Friday night ominously walking the alcohol aisles in Nashville area grocery and drug stores, silently glaring at shoppers into the wee hours of the morning, multiple sources confirmed.

“Those conferences take a lot out of me—this is one of my favorite ways to relax and unwind,” Moore told reporters Saturday. “I call it ‘Holy Ghost haunting.'”

“Last night I got four people to change their minds and set down the bottles they were holding—and I didn’t say a single word. I just utilized the convicting, soul-piercing silent stare I’ve mastered after 45—golly, almost 46 years now as a Southern Baptist.”

Asked if he had “anything fun” planned for his upcoming birthday, a stone-cold scowl fell over Moore’s face, eliciting an immediate apology from the young reporter.