Report: Nation’s Churches Running Out Of Corny Stock Photos To Use During Services

U.S.—Due to “irresponsible overuse,” America’s reserve of corny stock photos used as backdrops during church services is lower than it has been in decades, troubled stock photography experts reported Tuesday.

“Current church usage of extremely cheesy stock photography is unprecedented, and unfortunately, accelerating,” one expert explained to reporters. “It is doubtful that we will be able to sustain these levels without our reserves drying up completely by this time next year.”

The industry authority confirmed that stockpiles of images of twentysomething men and women throwing both hands up in the air in a display of reckless abandon have been decimated, with photos of excited, jumping people and human silhouettes in front of sunsets reaching “critically low” levels.

“There’s only one option if we’re going to avert disaster here—churches have to drastically slow their usage of corny stock photos,” he urged.