Publisher Issues Safety Recall On New Joel Osteen Book

U.S.—New York-based publisher Hachette Book Group on Monday issued a safety recall for all copies of recently published Joel Osteen book Think Better, Live Better, citing reports that the inspirational work was disseminating large, unsafe quantities of blatant word-faith heresy.

“We urge anyone who purchased any copies of Osteen’s new book between its release on October 4 and today to immediately cease using the faulty copies, and contact the retail outlet where it was purchased for replacement,” a publisher representative said. “All copies of the book seem to be affected, exposing readers to dangerous levels of unhealthy faux Christianity.”

According to the rep, the replacement program will provide anyone who purchased the new Osteen book leaking unhealthy amounts of heresy with his or her choice of a book written by any one of the sound Bible teachers active today.

“Take your pick of one book from any of the solid Bible teachers, from various denominations and backgrounds. Any of them are better than the faulty Osteen book we put out,” the rep said.

The publisher also issued its deepest apologies for allowing the flawed product to reach the market, and has stated that its quality assurance department will be working overtime to ensure no further heresy gets in the hands of consumers.