Pew Pencil Sharp

COLD SPRING, NY—Remarkable news out of New York as local churchgoer Dale Sloan confirmed that when he went to service at First Baptist Church Sunday morning, his pew pencil was sharp and fully functional.

“I pulled the pencil out of its little hole and I just couldn’t believe it,” Sloan told reporters Monday. “At first I thought, ‘Don’t get too excited—the tip will certainly break as soon as I try to write with it,’ but nope. I used it to take notes on the entire sermon. Even drew a few little doodles. It worked like a charm.”

“This has never happened to me before—what a miraculous blessing from God,” he added.

Pressed about the rather outlandish and unbelievable nature of his story, Sloan pointed to his Facebook account, on which he had posted a picture of the pencil he allegedly took with his phone. Various news outlets are reportedly investigating to see if the image is indeed authentic.