ASPEN, CO - "You hear about stuff like this, but you never think it will happen to you. No one saw it coming," a visibly shaken church member told reporters after the service at Savior Lutheran Church Sunday morning.
The church member, like dozens of other Savior attendees, expected a warm time of fellowship and an encouraging worship service. What they got instead was a horrifying sight, as Reverend Cecil "absolutely mangled" his handshake with an unsuspecting visitor.
According to witnesses, Reverend Cecil extended his hand for a classic handshake, but suddenly second-guessed himself and decided to attempt a much more advanced maneuver known as the "fist-bump." What ensued was several cringe-inducing seconds, that shocked onlookers said felt like hours.
"It was gruesome," another distressed visitor said as a team of grief counselors arrived on the scene to assist. "There were fingers being grabbed, there was a pathetic attempt to go in for a sidehug, and then the Reverend started trying to make a joke about the whole ordeal - it was absolutely awful."
According to leaders at Savior Lutheran, the church will be closed for two full weeks as victims try to cope with the trauma they suffered.