WORLD—Still digesting the fact that Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States in just the latest of a seemingly endless string of inexplicable and bizarre events to have taken place this year, human beings across the planet report that they are “keeping one eye on the heavens,” nervously wondering what God has in store for the rest of 2016.
“Brexit. Harambe. Pokémon GO. The Cubs won the World Series. Donald Trump became president-elect. What could possibly be next?” one visibly uneasy man from Chicago told reporters. “Do we really still have a month and a half of 2016 to go?”
His alarm was shared by people across the globe, sources confirmed.
“I know his ways are higher than our ways, but I’ll be honest—I’m praying for a break in the action,” one woman from the UK said. “Now, if anyone needs me, I’ll be at home repenting and snuggling my Bible.”
An elderly gentleman from Australia echoed the sentiment, saying “God has really thrown us some curveballs this year. And things keep getting crazier and crazier by the month,” adding that he plans on spending the weekend “getting his affairs in order,” preparing for Christ’s imminent return before December 31st.