NEWHALL, CA—A local Bible-college student has violated the Prime Directive, directly interfering with the internal development of primitive organic life, by engaging in a theological debate on Facebook, sources confirmed Thursday afternoon.
Jordan Baker, 22, was reportedly scrolling down his Facebook feed when he spotted a grave exegetical error on a Christian meme one of his friends had shared on the social network. The meme depicted Gene Wilder as the character Willy Wonka with the caption “TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW ‘WHOSOEVER’ DOESN’T MEAN ‘WHOSOEVER’ IN JOHN 3:16.”
Baker recognized the error immediately, as ‘whosoever’ does not appear in the Greek. But rather than moving on as dictated by the Prime Directive, which prohibits budding theologians from interceding in the development of primitive cultures, the student posted a three-paragraph response in the comments, including links to a Greek rendering of the passage and several articles by Dr. James White.
The reasoning behind the Prime Directive became immediately clear to Baker, as the natives increased in number and responded with even more primitive memes containing increasingly egregious theological and exegetical mistakes.
At publishing time, Baker was drinking espresso and preparing for a long night of engaging the primitive culture in discussion, as the thread had reached 253 comments in length.