Local Man Boldly Engages Mormons At Door By Pretending Not To Be Home

FORT WAYNE, IN—Stating he was attempting to defend the faith that was “once for all delivered to the saints,” local believer Jared Wells recently pretended he was not at home as a pair of friendly Mormon missionaries knocked on his door, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“We have to engage those who are trapped in man-made, legalistic religious systems,” Wells told reporters as he reclined on his couch reading a magazine.

“We need to contend for the faith when Mormon missionaries spread their false gospel in our neighborhoods, and the very best way to do that is to hunker down until they move on down the street,” he added, before telling reporters in his home to keep their voices down.

Wells also provided some practical pointers for engaging with LDS missionaries.

“Turn off the lights when you see them knocking on your neighbor’s door, so it’ll already look like you’re not at home when they walk up your driveway. And when they go on to the next house, make sure to stay hidden for a good 20-30 minutes, until you’re sure they’re no longer on your block.”

“Don’t slip up and go check your mail while they might still be nearby,” he added.

According to Wells, those who feel called to engage Mormons may even consider getting a “No Soliciting” sign, or a very loud, angry-looking dog.

At publishing time, the evangelist was frantically telling reporters to “duck behind the couch” as a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses came up his home’s front walkway.