Local Woman Born Again For Seventh Time

KINGSPORT, TN—Describing her as “buzzing with excitement and gratitude,” sources reported Wednesday that local woman Jennifer Boone, 42, had been born again for the seventh time.

“I was listening to some worship music and I started praying and I just felt God moving through me like electricity, from my head to my toes, and I gave myself over completely to him,” Boone reportedly explained, assuring her friends and family that she is tired of her life of sin and this time is for real. “I feel such a closeness to God now—it’s amazing. It’s intoxicating.

Repeatedly describing how “different” and “real” this experience feels versus the last six times she was born again, the single mother of two has steadfastly dedicated herself to living for Jesus, for the rest of her life. “I can’t describe how amazing it feels to be a new creation in Christ; the sensation of warmth, love, and belonging—it’s a feeling like no other,” she exclaimed.

At publishing time, sources close to Boone were becoming worried as they could see the “new creation feeling” beginning to wear off.