Local Pastor Admits To Being Qualified

TWIN FALLS, ID—In a shocking statement Thursday, Pastor Timothy Peters, 54, admitted to being embarrassingly qualified for his office.

The revelation occurred at Cornerstone Baptist Church during Peters’ quarterly accountability meeting with the church’s board of elders. “I’ve been serving this church for 21 years,” Peters explained to reporters afterward. “But it took this long for me to face the hard truth and be honest with myself and my congregation.”

“My qualifications go back years. Decades, really. I think the key moment when things began to spiral within control was that first choice I made to stay in seminary rather than drop out to start a church in that abandoned car dealership. One small decision led to another. I continued my studies in order to be solidly equipped to teach sound doctrine,” Peters awkwardly acknowledged.

“I didn’t finish as quickly as I should have because when the kids came along, I needed to be there for them and for Mary,” he added, referring to his wife of 30 years. “Once I headed down that path of commitment to my family and my calling, it got harder and harder to stray.”

Don Thompson, chairman of the elder board, said, “After looking at all the facts and engaging in some lengthy discussion, the elders had to concur with our pastor. It’s hard to believe we could have been so blind for so many years, but it’s true. Tim is a godly husband and father, peaceable, gentle, mature, and self-controlled. He really knows the Word of God. He’s a Christ-centered example to members of the church and the community at large. He is quite qualified, I’m sorry to say.”

While most of the congregation is remaining tight-lipped about the news, one anonymous member offered the following statement.

“It all makes sense now. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together. The man has never been embroiled in any kind of serious controversy. He’s really humble and kind, and seems to put others’ needs above his own. He doesn’t seek out attention or praise. The signs have really always been there. It’s just kind of embarrassing.”

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