Local Middle Schooler Totally Going To Marry Girl From Summer Camp

MEADOWS PEAK, CA—Their eyes met during the chorus of “Blessed Be Your Name,” and the rest was history. Local middle schooler Jake Harper reported Wednesday that the tall blond girl he met at summer camp “is definitely going to be my wife. I guarantee it.”

“It’s one of those love-at-first-sight type of romances, I guess,” a glassy-eyed Harper told his camp counselor. “I know 99% of these things don’t work out, but I don’t care—I’m totally sure she is the one.” Harper then cited the evidence of their being soulmates, such as the fact that they sat just one table apart from each other at both breakfast and lunch, their shared love for vintage television shows like Spongebob Squarepants, and that his heart flutters when he sees her from across the camp ampitheater.

“There’s no doubt in my mind,” he said confidently. “God brought us to the same camp for a reason.”

Upon his return home, Harper’s parents questioned the feasibility of a future relationship when neither of them had yet entered high school or locked down a steady job to support a family. But Harper knowingly rolled his eyes. “Ugh—you guys just don’t understand anything. Leave me alone!”

At publishing time, Harper was searching Facebook and Instagram for any sign of his future wife, whose name he never got the courage to ask.