John Piper Absolutely Wallops Fly During Sermon

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—A fly that attempted to land on John Piper’s face during a recent preaching engagement instead met its untimely demise, sources confirmed Tuesday.

As Piper eloquently and passionately pleaded with any who would hear to draw near to Christ and flee the mighty wrath of God’s judgment that is to come, audience members watched in great suspense as the large horsefly flew in the building through a slightly ajar side door and meandered its way about the room before approaching the animated preacher.

“God’s hand is raised in judgment! It is ready to fall upon any who will not receive Christ!” Piper appealed to his audience in great emotion, his hands flailing wildly around his position at the lectern as the fly came nearer and nearer.

The crowd waited with bated breath as the insect made its final approach, when sure enough, Piper’s powerful right arm whizzed out from his person, killing the fly on contact and making an audible thud that resonated throughout the auditorium, according to witnesses.

At the end of the sermon, over thirty people reportedly gave their lives to Christ.