John MacArthur Sets New Low Score Of Zero On Dance Dance Revolution Machine

SANTA CLARITA, CA—While reluctantly attending the birthday party thrown for a young relative at Mountasia Family Fun Center Tuesday, pastor and teacher John MacArthur set an incredible new low score of zero on the arcade’s popular Dance Dance Revolution machine, sources confirmed.

Witnesses reported that MacArthur was coaxed onto the machine by several children attending the party, who told him the arcade cabinet was a Bible trivia game. But as the electronic dance music began blaring out of the speakers, it was clear he had been duped by the gang of youths.

Still, MacArthur wasn’t going to be outdone, and simply stared, scowling at the computer-rendered characters wildly gyrating and flailing about on the screen.

“I’ve never seen anything like that performance in my life,” the Fun Center manager told reporters. “While most people will at very least tap a foot to the beat, the pastor guy just stayed totally motionless.” The manager also claimed that one time they had set a potted ficus plant onto the machine just for fun, and even the house plant managed to tap out a few of the steps when it was jostled on its side by the sounds and vibrations of the machine.

As MacArthur’s highly technical dance run climaxed in a difficult set of steps kicking in just after the song’s powerful bass drop, a crowd gathered chanting “Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!” but were scared away as the Bible teacher turned to glare at them too.

When the dust settled, MacArthur’s Dance Dance Revolution career had ended in a perfect score of “0,” as the confused Bible preacher wandered off to ask if the concession stand had anything to drink besides beer.