Eighth Grader Attends Church To Seek Personal Relationship With Cute Girl

SALISBURY, MD—Local junior higher Bobby Reinke reported Wednesday that he is still attending both “big church” and youth group in an attempt to begin some kind of personal relationship with “cute” fellow eighth grader Jenny Wilson.

Reinke, sitting with his parents Sunday, also came out staunchly in opposition to cold, dead religion that demands people just attend church in order to fulfill “some kind of religious checklist.”

“It’s not about religion—it’s about a personal relationship with Jenny,” Reinke said piously as he craned to get a better look at the back of Wilson’s head a few pews in front of him.

“I’m not here to just go through the motions. I really want to get to know her and see what she has for my future,” he added.

Reinke further stated he fully intends to ask Wilson to add him to Snapchat, sometime in the next three to four months.