Define-The-Relationship Talk Leaves Girl More Confused Than Before

HARRISONBURG, VA—Local college freshman Brett Evanko initiated a “Define the Relationship” talk (DTR) on Thursday that left his audience more puzzled than before.

Senior Lindsay Minter, 22, was walking to a campus ministry meeting when Evanko suddenly appeared.

“He popped out of nowhere with an ‘urgent’ message: to clarify that we are just friends,” Minter told reporters. “I still have no idea what he was talking about.”

“I couldn’t even recall his name,” she added.

Meanwhile, Evanko seemed pleased with his effort. “It’s pretty obvious Linds has been digging me for at least a semester,” the 18-year-old explained. “Our eyes locked at the Fall Retreat bonfire when I was passing out marshmallows. She took one from my palm and saw me smile. I know she’s been confused ever since.”

“I just knew it was time to step up and give some needed definition to ‘us.’ As the man, it’s my job to guard her heart. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a few more DTRs marked urgent.”