Congregation Loses Third Pastor To Botched Dirt Bike Jump Onto Church Stage

TEMECULA, CA—Striving to be faithful to the culture often comes at a cost, and no church knows that better than Life Vision Family Church. The congregation reportedly lost its third pastor Sunday to a botched attempt to jump a dirt bike onto the stage in order to thrill the crowd before delivering the day’s Bible-based message.

“It really looked like Pastor Zane was gonna make it,” a teary-eyed congregation member told reporters. “Our last pastor froze up and landed way short. At least Z got some super sick air before overshooting the stage and crashing through the window to his death.”

According to sources close to the pastor, he had never actually ridden a dirt bike before, but was determined to jump high over the congregants’ heads onto the stage to make a point about “extreme faith or something.” So, despite the pleas of the rest of the leadership team, the pastor had constructed a 20′ high wooden motocross ramp which was rolled out into the main sanctuary entrance while churchgoers were singing their opening worship songs.

“We tried to talk him out of it—we even showed him footage of our previous pastors’ attempts in 2002 and 2011,” associate pastor Will Davids told reporters. “But he kept saying he could do all things through Christ who strengthens him.”

When the worship leader finished with a prayer and it was time for the lead pastor to take the stage, Pastor Zane barreled through the lobby area toward the ramp at full throttle, apparently gave the bike way too much gas—“I swear, he was in 4th gear,” one witness said—and sailed off the large ramp, flying right over the stage and smashing through a window, which resulted in fatal injuries.

At publishing time, the church had posted the pastor’s position on several job search sites, though this time the post explicitly asked for an ordinary minister with no desire to impart extreme, risky faith to the congregation.