Church Cleans Out Fridge

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Berean Baptist Church made history this week, becoming the first church on record to perform a full and detailed cleaning of its refrigerator’s interior. The church’s leadership board approved the deep cleaning upon discovering the grape juice bottles stored up for communion had begun to ferment into a fine vintage wine, violating its longstanding rule of no alcohol allowed on church property.

The janitorial crew arrived in full biohazard gear late Tuesday night, quarantining the fridge in a radiation-proof tent before cracking it open and going to work.

“What the—those are Mrs. Garcia’s famous spicy enchiladas!” Bob, the head of the custodial staff exclaimed excitedly as the dish was extracted with a special tool. The glass tray of food was reportedly glowing in a strange green hue with several tentacle-like appendages protruding from the top of the aluminum foil. Mrs. Garcia died in 1978.

The biohazard disposal crew ran into a potentially deadly situation in the fourth hour of the procedure, as a stack of casseroles left on the bottom shelf had become sentient and attempted to attack several of the janitors before being neutralized with a flamethrower.

Emboldened by their historic success, Bob the Janitor revealed to sources that his crew plans on cleaning out the basement storage locker next week, which hasn’t been opened since “the invasion,” which, as another custodian confirmed, refers to the American Civil War.