CEDAR SPRINGS, IL—Sources working at Grace Baptist Church’s Awana ministry confirmed Tuesday that local church kid Aiden Paul, who has the names, attacks, statistics, and types of all 803 Pokemon species committed to memory, was still having trouble reciting John 3:16 to his Awana counselor.
“For God so loved the begotten son?” the kid who could tell you the exact level at which Charizard learns the move Flamethrower said shakily as he attempted to recite the short Bible verse at the church’s most recent Awana Club meeting. “Ugh. It’s just too hard. I can’t do it! This is stupid. I give up.”
“Why do we have to remember stuff like this anyway? I wish we could learn something useful like strategies for defeating the Elite Four,” he mumbled.
After the club meeting, Paul was seen discussing Pokemon with several of his friends, and the youngster excitedly rattled off the evolution chains of Pokemon like Eevee, Elekid, and Gastly from memory, according to witnesses.
At publishing time, the child who has trouble reciting Romans 3:23 was seen carefully studying a Minecraft players’ guide and had memorized the recipes for crafting over a hundred different tools, items, and potions in the popular video game.