Charismatic Prophet Has Zero Teams Left In NCAA Bracket

U.S.—According to reports, a “prophetic bracket by the anointed Jed Harris” published on Charisma Magazine‘s website last week claiming to perfectly predict the March Madness college basketball tournament has precisely zero teams left through the second round.

Sports commentators have called the bracket the worst they’ve ever seen, with many saying the picks were so laughable that “a blind monkey would have gotten more selections right.”

“He somehow had the Detroit Red Wings advancing to the third round,” one ESPN commentator said. “That’s not even the right sport.”

Others noted that the self-described vessel of the Lord’s bracket had wild errors like choosing the popular 1987 film The Princess Bride to beat out Duke, picking a foot-long meatball sub to make it to the finals, and predicting televangelist Benny Hinn to take it all in the final round.

“Sometimes, words of prophecy can be hard to interpret,” a representative for Charisma said Tuesday. “We apologize to anyone that gambled their life savings based on what we thought was a revelation from the Lord.”