Bibleman Set To Appear In Gritty Reboot
Entertainment · May 11, 2016 · BabylonBee.com

NASHVILLE, TN - Taking inspiration from grim Hollywood reboots like Man of Steel and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, B&H Kids announced Tuesday that it would be relaunching the Bibleman series of superhero stories in a dark and gritty resurrection of the purple-and-gold caped crusader.

"While previous Bibleman encounters have seen the titular hero happily dispatching villains intent on destroying the church and the Word of God, this time Bibleman is really taking the gloves off. The Israelites didn't show mercy to the Midianites, and neither will the new-and-improved Bibleman to his foes. We're talking blood and guts galore," the statement released by B&H Kids stated in part.

B&H also released an exciting new trailer showing the edgy direction the new Bibleman series will be taking. The trailer features a scene with a well-known seeker-sensitive Bible teacher working on a new book in his New York loft, when he hears something rustle up in the rafters. Suddenly, Bibleman, decked out in an all-new black-and-gray armored costume with glowing green eyes, appears out of nowhere in front of him.

"Your pastor probably told you that you were special, that you were put here for a purpose. The Savior taught me a different lesson, dying on a cross to demonstrate the righteousness of God," Bibleman growls in a gravelly voice, before slamming his fist down on the pastor's desk, shattering his Macbook.

"He taught me the gospel only makes sense if you understand God is just," Bibleman adds. He then knocks the Bible teacher to his knees - and to repentance - with a well-placed jab to his neck.

The short teaser-trailer also hints at the hero's criminal backstory involving the international drug trade and Mexican cartels. It finishes strong, showing Bibleman with a prominent atheist in a vicious chokehold, growling, "Do you believe? You will!"

The first film of the reboot starring Kirk Cameron, The Wrath Of Bibleman Revealed, will be released straight to VHS and DVD this fall, and has received an 'R' rating from the MPAA.


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