Alex Rodriguez Signs 1-Year, $25 Million Deal With Lakewood Church Softball Team

HOUSTON, TX—Fresh off his recent announcement that he would not be playing in Major League Baseball for the remainder of this season, fueling considerable chatter about what would come next for the slugger, Alex Rodriquez silenced the speculation when he announced Wednesday that he has signed a one-year, $25 million deal to play for the Lakewood Church Softball Team for the 2017 season.

“I played in Texas before I was a Yankee, and I’m really looking forward to playing there again,” Rodriguez said in an afternoon press statement in front of the Houston megachurch. “I hope to help Lakewood utterly dominate their softball league next season.”

Lakewood reportedly beat out several MLB teams as well as Elevation Church to sign the 41-year-old to the rich one-year deal, which, according to sources, also contains several performance bonuses. Moving from one massive, cash-flush organization to another seems like a no-brainer for the future hall-of-famer, even considering the reported contract stipulation that A-Rod cover the pulpit for Joel Osteen three times during the course of the year.